I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
