Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
