just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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