So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
