Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
