Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
