Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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