hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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