I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
