he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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