I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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