Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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