There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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