I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
