I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
