I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
