You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Where is the hickey?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
