We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
