No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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