Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
