If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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