You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
