God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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