No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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