i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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