I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
