what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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