even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
