I just cut my nipple shaving
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
