I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
