The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
