I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
