He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
