I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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