She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
