just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
