i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
