belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
