Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
