Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
