hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
