You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
