You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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