i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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