please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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