Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
