man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
