she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
