There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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