I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
