Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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