It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
