Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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