I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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