You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
