So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
