she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
