Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
