the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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