My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
