My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
