I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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