Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
