It's like God shit irony all over that family
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
