guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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