they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
