Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
