Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You took a bar mat shot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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