You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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