I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
