its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
