Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
