She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
