i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
