First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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