My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my vagina is haunted
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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