3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
