haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
